My heart is broken.
I was one of his name sakes...and he was one of my first loves.
I really can't stop crying at this point.
I am mostly writing today to say to PLEASE follow your heart when it calls you to do something. NO MATTER WHAT!
As I wrote in an earlier post about my Grandparent's home being my most safe and happiest place and keeping those memories alive. He was one of the most special people in my life. I honestly can't imagine this life with out him.
About two months ago my heart said to go home to them. Go see them. I almost didn't go, but it was like my heart knew it would be the last time I saw them healthy, happy and in their place together.
Don't miss a moment when your heart calls.
I am so thankful I listened.
He and I were buddies. I got him on some level that I am not even quite sure I understand, but I just did.
I am so thankful for the memories, I am so thankful for the piles of photos I cherish of him and can share with my kids the stories of how much I loved him.
I think about how old I was when my great-grandparents passed away and the memories I hold of them. I hold them close to my heart and I pray that my kids will remember the same joy and fondness that I remember and more.
Oh What I Wouldn't Give To Go Back And Spend One More Day As A Little Girl by his side.
I spent so many days by his side after he retired. We were buddies. He called me Loco, and B&H (Bored and Hungry), he had BIG hands that tickled me and tickled me. As a little girl I was sure the giant hands at ORU were fashioned after his. I can still remember driving by at the age of my now youngest yelling out the window of the car, "LOOK!!!! There's Papaw Hollis' BIG hands!!!!!!"
This Was Our Last Moment Together.
And while I am so deeply regretful that I didn't call him one last time, tell him I loved him one last time, my heart is full knowing our last moment together was a beautiful one.
I held him closed and kissed the top of his head a few times for the first time in my life EVER. I breathed in the smell of his aftershave and hugged him well. He wept and I wept with absolute LOVE. I thought he was getting better and I would see him and well again soon. He cried like he knew it would be his last time to see me, to feel me hug him, the last time he would hear the words I love him.
I wish I would have known.
Don't waste a single word, there is no room for anything in this life but LOVE!